Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
