i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is wine microwaveable?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
