Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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