I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
