i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
