best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
