hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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