He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
