How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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