i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
