fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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