I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
