I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
