yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
