let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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