he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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