I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
