Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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