I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
