My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
