you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
