If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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