Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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