I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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