Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize