I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
