I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
