Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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