with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
