I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
