I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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