What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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