I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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