Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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