we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
