ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
