She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
