Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
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