just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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