You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
