It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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