So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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