I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
