I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
