is your mom at the bar?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
