So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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