They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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