I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
