My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
either way he was missing a nipple.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
