Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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