Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
