Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Randomize
