Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
