i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
