so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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