Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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