you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
