What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
