the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
