dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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