she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
