is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
